you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
