my room smells like sperm. sweet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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