he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
