Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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