piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
