Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
