Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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