My first STD was from a foam party
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
