so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
