Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
