how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
