thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
