five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
