there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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