she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
