i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
