dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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