YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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