Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
