This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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