I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
