tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
