tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
