when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
