Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
