my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
