You're completely useless in the revolution.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
