Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
