Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
