I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
