The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
