there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am one with the molecules
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
