I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
