That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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