The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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