Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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