Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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