Only a mothe r could love this liver
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
