I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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