Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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