did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
