Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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