would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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