he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize