I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
