I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
