why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
