So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
