guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
