I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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