allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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