omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
