Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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