That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
