I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
