member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
