I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
