Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
