butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
