So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
