I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
