Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
