You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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