i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
