New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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