I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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