ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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