my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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