Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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