I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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