I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Everclear isn't food dammit
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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