I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
