I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
