YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you will always have a special place in my vag
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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